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Touching on a note I mentioned a few pages back, friendships are very different after a move. I moved back from Tennessee fully expecting to hook back up with old friends. I didn't neccesarily think that things would be exactly the same as when I had left, but I was hoping that the friendships would still exist on a similar level. Honestly, it had sounded like some people really still missed me even after almost two years.
And then I came back. The first couple weeks were an exhausted blur. I pretty much stayed at home doing nothing in particular and thinking nothing in particular. I went to church, of course, but not a whole lot else. Over the next month, we began hooking back up with everyone again. We started having people over for supper alot. We stayed after church and visited. My brother and I started going to youth group again.
It was refreshing, but at the same time, several of the friendships I was hoping to revive didn't seem to exist anymore. The people were there and, judging by the looks of them, doing pretty well. But they didn't seem very interested in talking. Well, actually it was more like we didn't have anything to talk about anymore.
I no longer had to ask how "everyone up there in Minnesota" was doing. I was in contact with them and I knew. Our spiritual connection in youth group wasn't exactly severed, but it seemed to have diminished drastically. I was never connected to them through school anyway, so that didn't help. And the big thing was they were all still friends with each other. They hadn't changed; I had.
Well, I shouldn't say they hadn't changed; it's just that the one who had changed the most was me. A couple friends were more somber and tired-looking; I was downright cynical and angry. I used to offer the occasionally sarcastic comment in a conversation; now if I tried any sarcasm it was generally caustic. And the big thing was that noone really seemed as happy as they used to.
I freely admit that I was by far the least happy of the group. I hadn't taken Tennessee well. I had been downright immature about it at several points. I'm just surprised at how much it has changed me.
Not all of it is neccesarily Tennessee, though. I'm sure that college and dorm life have had their part in it. Still though, I feel disappointed at how much I've let myself slip in the past two years. The next question is how much and how quickly can I change?

seikdel

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